I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
