I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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