My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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