You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My bed smells like the plague
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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