He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
