The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
