Your tits are I can't wait for
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
