I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
