I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
