Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
