you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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