I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
