capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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