A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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