After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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