I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
