i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
