He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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