Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
