I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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