Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
we're so committed to being not committed
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
