so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
