how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
