You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
