I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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