is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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