It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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