it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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