I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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