What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
