She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
