At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
