Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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