I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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