you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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