people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
