I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You are a genius and a whore.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
