I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
