I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
