He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
