I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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