I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
