You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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