I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
