The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
