Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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