just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
