tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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