she was so not down for the gang bang
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My cat gives me a boner
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
