Your face is a jimmy john
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
