When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
