why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
