i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
there is puke in my bra ... again
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