Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
