Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
