Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
