Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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